Wednesday, July 11, 2012

free-falling

It's been a little bit quieter on this blog as of late. There have been many reasons for this occurrence. The greatest one is the fact that, after 1.5 years, I made the colossal decision to leave my place of employment. There was something extremely off about the way the company operated, and I feared that I was very soon not going to get a paycheck. We lost nearly every client we made, either from lies my boss told people to just being forgetful and lazy regarding clients who had not left us yet, and using incompetent people to perform parts of the job just to save a buck. My mental health deteriorated as a result- not that I went bonkers, but the idea of waiting for a job offer from another company while worrying each pay period whether or not I was going to get a paycheck from my current company was creating sleeping problems and leading to some very bad habits besides, such as applying for other jobs at work or writing blog posts- simply because there was no work to do.

The other problem was my boss's relationship with me. He loved the hard work I did. I was so bored by the lack of work that I did nearly everything else that needed taken care of in the businesses he owned for which I had not really been hired to work in.  But I guess I worked too hard.  He actually sabotaged my being able to work with another company back in the early spring- understandably so, as he works closely with that company and they did not want to hurt their relationship with my boss just to get a desirable employee- but it still was a betrayal that made it hard for me to work for him, knowing that he was so willing to put my career on the line in order to keep me.

So frustration with my selfish boss, money problems with the company, and the fact that at key moments my boss would do things like buy a luxury car for himself when he couldn't pay certain employees on time (I was never the victim of this sort of behavior, as I threatened to walk out once when he tried to tell me that I'd get my paycheck several days later than payday) or go on personal two-week vacations during crucial moments for our company were just telling me that I needed to get out before it got any worse.

It hit me when I realized I had become an alcoholic who dreaded waking up in the morning to go to work, that this job was no longer healthy for me. I finally had had it, and very recently quit in a spur-of-the-moment decision. I've been free-falling ever since. I have a little money saved up, but not enough to meet my expenses for more than two months. I had been job hunting for over one year for a new job specifically because of my boss's mismanagement of finances, but nothing had materialized. But I haven't looked back with regret. I sleep better, I feel better, and I feel more confident about my future instead of being stuck at a dead-end job. A few odd things have come out of quitting, such as:
  • My job hunt seems to be more focused.  I've had three job interviews in the past two weeks.  That's about the same I can say for the twelve months prior to that.  
  • Funds are forthcoming, despite the bleak outlook of the job market.  I just started a job as an overnight stock clerk at a local retailer.  While that means I now keep the same hours as vampires and am only working part-time (for the meantime- they don't give employees full-time) for a barely higher than minimum wage rate, that also means that I am free during the day to go on job interviews.  
  • The amount of support I've had from friends and family has been ridiculously encouraging.  Most of them said "Finally!  Good for you!" when I told them I had quit.  My mom said she didn't like how my boss treated me- despite the fact that she could have done an "I told you so" on me for moving away from home and getting myself into this mess in the first place.  She has also told me that I am welcome to come back home if it comes to that.  I hope it doesn't come to that- while I love my parents, a previous post-college living arrangement experience has taught me that that's more likely than not bound to be disastrous.
  • The response from acquaintances and customers has also been overwhelmingly positive. Several months ago I asked friends and acquaintances if they knew of any job openings at all.  Pretty much no one seemed to be interested in even inquiring of their workplaces or anyone else.  Now that I quit, I have had an outpouring of people offering to suggest me or send my resume to potential employers.  Even an employee from the company that had wanted to hire me but held off from doing so due to threats from my boss is now trying to help me get a new position- all because I am no longer associated with the old company.  
The feelings of hopelessness and depression I experienced since March kicked in when I wasn't free-falling.  Now that I no longer have the safety net of a job I grew to dread for a company I grew to loathe I actually no longer feel imprisoned.  I am afraid for the future, of course.  I am worried that I will never get another professional job.  But I also know that I won't be destroyed by the decision I made.  I will make it somehow.  

So please bear with me as I go through so many life changes.  This blog is not high on my priority list, but I will strive to update when I can.  Hopefully it all works out.

4 comments:

  1. That is such a hard thing to do/decision to make. I have been there my friend, my best wishes for you! You will get through this and be better off for it!

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  2. You are very brave to make such a step and I bet it will all turn out well because after this shitty working environment you simply deserve to find a nice job that you are happy with! Good luck!

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  3. So much of the first paragraph if this post sounds like what I went through as a result of my old job. I was also making a plan to just flat-out quit at a certain time even if I didn't secure another job first. I admire your bravery. I know how you must have felt when the weight of the world was lifted from your shoulders. And it worked out for the best for you!

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  4. Thank you so much ladies for your words of support. As for you, VictorianKitty- I am so glad you got out of your own bad situation if it was anything close to mine. Now granted, my job wasn't the worst one out there, but one must enjoy where they work if they're going to be there during most of the waking hours of the week.

    I just met some of my new coworkers last night, and I am so excited to get started!

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